Intentionality Series Part 1 — Why Does it Matter?
Intentionality = the fact of being deliberate or purposive
“Intentionality” has become a buzzword these days, hasn’t it? And yet the more people say it, the more I’m noticing how out of context it is being used. When was the last time you felt truly seen and known? As human beings that desire is a core longing that many of us crave every single day. Odds are, you don’t often pay close attention to the desire itself but it’s especially highlighted when someone actually does make you feel seen.
I remember two years ago when my family had to put our dog, Sonny, down after 10 years of life together. I went from never being an animal person to absolutely falling in love with this creature when we adopted him. It still brings me to tears when I think about how sudden this loss was. It was a matter of 10 days between his cancer diagnosis, how quickly he was deteriorating before our eyes, and the vet’s advice to put him down sooner than later. Through that time, I knew of course that no one would fully “get it” other than the four of us in my immediate family. Part of me knew that dog parents would get it a little more than others, but I felt awkward not knowing how to express my grief to my friends who were asking how I was doing. I will never forget my friend Brittany stopping by our house a few days after with a bouquet of sunflowers. At first I was just shocked to see her there with flowers; naturally such a kind sentiment. Then I read her card and the waterworks began. She said she got us sunflowers specifically because she now penned them as “Sonny-flowers” for us to always have a way of honoring his memory. That level of deliberate love and purposeful service to my family is one of the best examples of intentionality I have ever experienced.
I’ve often thought back to this memory and I am by no means trying to say that intentionality always needs to be this grand gesture. My point is — seeing the purpose in Brittany’s heart was extremely evident. She not only made our whole family feel so seen, but she was able to console us in our grief even without fully experiencing it herself.
As a millennial living in the ever-so-independent Silicon Valley, let’s call a spade a spade: we. need. people. We all want people to show up for us. In fact so much so that it often leads to unspoken expectations that lead to frustration, animosity, and bitterness. So how do we solve this conundrum in a healthy way that yields growth? I believe it’s through awareness, education, and a jump-start of motivation to actually show up. And let’s be real, friends: it takes work to show up. Not only for others but also for ourselves.
I’ve been challenged recently to re-examine the two greatest commandments Jesus gives us: love God with all your being and love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus goes on to say that all of the law holds to these two commandments (Matthew 22:36–40). I’ve often shortened the verse to simply: “Love God, love others” which is why I was really taken aback when a peer reminded me that it says to love others as ourselves. Which begs the question, how am I loving myself? See, we can only love others well if we are loving ourselves well. Another way of putting it is the old adage that we can’t pour out if our own cup is almost empty.
The goal of this series is not merely to provide a step-by-step guide but rather to broaden our awareness of how dynamic intentionality is.
My desire is to help us grow in the ways we show up for ourselves and for others — but more importantly to remind us that what eclipses both of those concepts is the reality that the driving force behind showing up is actually being intentional in our relationship with God.
In Ephesians 3:17, Paul reminds us that “…by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of His love will become the very source and root of your life” (TPT). The growth of our faith is what continues to lead to knowing Jesus more and having His life at the core of our being. And yet I can’t begin to tell you the countless conversations I have had with Christians who feel stagnant or complacent in their faith. If He is the root and source of our lives then why would I still feel thirsty?
I’d argue that we often don’t pursue God to the point of experiencing the satiating core of His character. In Jeremiah 29:13, God promises, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” [emphasis mine]. What does that look like?
To seek Him is a conscious decision to set my heart directly towards pursuing His face. It’s not just going to God when I want something and developing a transactional, one-sided relationship with Him. To put it another way, John Piper writes, “His face — the brightness of His personal character — is hidden behind the curtain of our carnal desires.” #oof.
What It’s Not:
- Seeking God is not a means to an end (He is the beginning, middle, and end)
- Seeking God doesn’t have any ulterior motives like viewing Him as a genie who grants our latest wish to bring some momentary satisfaction
- Seeking God is not merely a checklist item I mark off each morning when I read my Bible
What It Is:
- Seeking God takes me off of the top of the pyramid of my life and places Jesus there instead
- Seeking God is a self-denying, genuine quest to experience a wild love that once found will always leave us wanting more
- Seeking God in turn offers my life purpose, vision, guidance, and a framework for mirroring His holiness (1 Peter 1:16)
- The crux: seeking God takes discipline and intentionality
The reality is, we can’t grow in our faith without practicing this deliberate and purposive seeking of God. We have to put in the work like any other relationship on Earth. We need to pursue the God who is constantly and unconditionally pursuing us. Once this foundation is firmly set, we have the freedom to love ourselves and others with the intention that Christ models for us.
I’ll conclude with this truth. In Whitney Capps’ book, Sick of Me, she writes, “God is our treasure and portion. God is our highest aim and supreme joy. Our singular passion must be an intimate friendship with Him, or we miss the point.”
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